My relationship with food was unhealthy for the majority of my life. Growing up hearing harsh comments on my weight, having periods of time when I was forced to exercise, but also being expected to eat all of my food and then some (Hispanic culture lol) left me confused. At age 7 I remember sneaking into the kitchen and hiding what I got, a bag of gummy bears. I didnt understand why I was hiding it but I knew I felt guilty for eating it. 

Fast forward to high school and I was counting every single calorie I put into my body and abused working out. A sense of pride shadowed my heart when I went to bed hungry or when I dropped a weight class for powerlifting. This went on for a couple of years and then somehow I found myself on the other extreme. I began binging food I had deprived myself of eating but the guilt and shame were still very present and throwing it up was the only way I felt I could control or even attempt to rid myself of the shame.  

This followed me into my first years of college and this is when my relationship with Jesus was new. My conversations with God were sweet and our relationship grew a lot stronger, but in my mind there was no way I was going to invite Him into my relationship with food. 

I don’t want to bother God with this, it’s so silly.

It’s my fault that I’m here, so I should be the one to fix the problem.

This is embarrassing. I don’t want to tell him because He’ll get mad.

Those were the thoughts that cycled through my mind constantly.

The Lord is so good and so patient— throughout that year, our friendship got even stronger. I started Bible college, other things in my life were being restored— things were looking up. However, the patterns were still there; the thoughts, the stress of my weight, the shame…

Finally, with the encouragement of close friends and hearing other people’s stories, I decided to see a counselor. She encouraged me to do the one thing I was running away from: Invite Jesus into the situation… so I did. 

This changed everything. 

A shift happened mentally and little by little I got healthier. With the help of the Holy Spirit and my counselor I learned what it meant to fuel my body with what it needs, to view my body as the temple of the Holy Spirit (because it is) and to treat it accordingly— not only out of place of reverence but out of love for myself and the One who created me.

Grocery shopping went from being a chore to being therapeutic. I fell in love with cooking and trying new things. That’s when I realized, in American culture we spend more of our focus on what we’re eating vs who we’re eating with. Shifting my perspective took practice. Food no longer was the main focus of my day, people were.

You may be wondering why I’m sharing this story on this particular platform. Well, on the mission field, I’ve quickly come to find out that 90% of my diet in America is borderline luxury in every other country I’ve been to. On the mission field, I have little to no control of the type of foods I’m going to eat, when I’m eating, and I’m stripped from basically all American comfort. Not to mention, 6 days before leaving for The World Race I was diagnosed with IBS.

So what do I do when I’m in the middle of a foreign country, the nearest grocery store is over 2 hours away and all there is to eat is rice and pasta? Follow up on my next blog to read how I am navigating and breaking ED* habits on the mission field.

Thank you so much for reading!! Please feel free to share. 

Until next time amigos,

Gina Oyuela Dickinson:)

*eating disorder